some thoughts and Q + A

(J again)

1) to my young friend who was disconcerted that we would be "missing" christmas because we were to be in China: let me assure you, they do have christmas in China.  In fact they have unabashed, unironic, guilt-free, secular commercial christmas and nothing else.  There is no backlash against the crass commercialism of the holiday as there is in the United States.  All they have is the crass commercial chirstmas and they have it everywhere - carols and trees and nutcrackers are inescapable.  Trying to get back to our room the other night my two younger sons and i (i have three now!) had to run the gauntlet of a stocking capped chinese children's choir warbling carols to a choregraphed light and sound show. They were blocking the stairs to our room so at a pause in the choreography we tried to as politley as we could to basically squeeze through their show.  Didi and I laughed hysteracilly about the absurdity of this (he is only 6 but he knows when something is bizarre) as we stumbled back to our room.  Maybe China can be a bastion for all the Fox News, mandatory "Merry Christmas" types.  As a secular Jewish family, we find all of this pretty funny.

2) to everyone who wants to know ... soooo ... is your new adopted Chinese son (I'll call him A) as much of a character as he seemed in all the photos and videos of him spazzing out, singing at the top of his lungs, and basically demanding center stage at all times?  In short: yes.  When we arrived at the government office to meet and take custody of him, we were the last family among the Americans who were meeting their new children their that day.  As we exited the van and were getting ready to climb the steps to the building, he busted out of the door with his nanny in hot pursuit.  We got him bck inside and plopped down on the floor in front of the door.  He went and got a small riding toy (despite his joy, putting a little safe distance between us - I get it buddy) and rode back to us on the floor where he proceeded to unpack his small backpack which presumably had been bought for him for this big trip.  He waved a piece of Chinese candy in my face and i feigned expressive astonishment at such an amazing thing.  He liked this and pulled out a pack of chewing gum at which i put my hands to my head in "doh!" fashion as if to say "Holy crap!!  For real??"  He thought this was hysterical and by this time the whole family had crowded around.  All the other American families receivng children seemed to be sitting quietly and calmly on the floor reading books to their docile cherubs.  We were screaming and dancing and singing in hyperbolic exageration as he whipped out pieces of junk food from his pack.  He never stopped laughing ... or moving!!  We are in such a deep debt of gratitude to all his caregivers at Beijing's Angel House for they obviously prepared him so well for our coming.  At various times over the last couple of days with him our guide has told us that he is babbling things like "My new brothers!  My new daddy!" and "I am going to take a train and subway to my new mommy and daddy's house."  He seems to have known what to expect as well as a 3 year old could.  And when we left the office that day for the first time with him, he strained from my wife's arms and wanted Daddy.  Despite the fact that he had some male caregivers at Angel House, perhaps a father is a more exotic treat than a mother for a child who is an orphan.  He rides my shoulders, insists i take him to the bathroom, LOVES playing my guitar, and had a fit when i took Gege and Didi downstairs for dinner tonight and left L in the room bathing and prepping him for bed.  My older boys and I were siting in the lobby restaurant and I heard a scream of "Daddy!!" which echoed off the marble (yes marble.  lots of marble) in the lobby of the hotel as L brought him to eat with us - he wasn't having this going to bed in the room while we were hanging out downstairs stuff.

3) Another question we got a lot prior to the trip: So, are you learning Chinese?  and my answer was always "No, he will learn english."  BUT i have learned some useful Chinese - Gege and Didi for older and little broher.  Now that our previous Didi is the middle brother he like to go by Gedi or Dige but i'm pretty sure those aren't proper Chinese conractions.  Forgive me - this is all phonetic and probably wrong at that, but we also say "How hi ze!" which i think means "Good boy!"  We use that to offset our copious use of "Bu how!" which roughly translates to "What the hell were you thinking?"  We all screamed that in unison when - in a bid for attention - A decided to open the van door on a crowded Chinese highway today.  "Schway" is water which he uses to tell us he is thirsty (or just wants to pouch some water in his cheeks in order to spit all over us) or wants to see the fish in the pond in the hotel lobby.  

4) We are seeing some pretty run-of-the-mill attention seeking behaviors.  Once we get home and get on routine, we will nip these in the bud.  We have already began - each bite of food must be preceeded by a "more please" and accompanied by an approximation of the sign.  After he gets the item, he is prompted to reciprocate with a "Sheshe Mama" or "Sheshe Papa" (oh that's another chinese word i learned - it means "thank you.")  When the concierge in the hotel let me know that what he was screaming wildly in the lobby to all that could hear was basically "I'm gonna shit myself!!"  i waved the sign for "toilet" manically in his face and made him imitate it as we ran for the head.  He has begun to more consistently use the sign to let us know (fingers crossed on that one!).  If left to feed himself he will stuff until he pukes - again, not too surprising for a kid who lived in institutional care.  We make sure to feed him each bite and cut him off when the amount of food he has ingested exceeds our guestimate of his carrying capacity.  He usually ends a meal with the old "I'm gonna shit myself!" so yeah, we are getting into something of a routine ...

5) No worries about inhibited attachment but we will certainly keep our eye on the possibility for indiscriminate attachment.  He is charming and seduces everyone within ear shot.  In the car he has our guide and driver cracking up at the ridiculous things he says in Chinese.  He knows how to get a laugh and loves to work the crowd.  This is certainly functional survival behaior for an abadoned child, but now that he has been "found," it will be important to imprint on him whom he belongs with and whom he must go to.  Again, we are so indebted to his caregivers at Angel House.  On our "gotcha day," after we feigned thrill and astonishment as he emptied his backpack of all its junk food, he zoomed off on his toy car, flipped it over, and busted his lip.  I came up behind him to scoop him up and he clung to me and buried his head in my shoulder.  He had known us in person all of 10 mns at this point.  My sense his that he spent a lot of time over the past year being shown our picture and being talked to about us and what it means to have a family.  He runs to us, he calls out for us, he cries when he can't see his two Gege, and he even had his first "I don't wanna go to bed" temper tantrum tonight.  L did what she does best - she held him and soothed him and held him some more and ... he fell asleep.